|The Property Rights Newsletter
December 17-31, 2010 – Issue #596
“The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
in hopes that St. Nicolas soon would be there.
When suddenly up on the roof, there a’rose such a clatter,
I jumped up from my bed, to see what was the matter.
I ran down the stairs, and what did I find?
a big fat elf smoke’n in my living room, …must be out of his mind.
I yelled HEY! get out of here with that pipe,
You’re stinkin’ up my house, and that ain’t just no hype.
I’ll get the Lung Association,
and Heart Association and ANR in your face,
I’ll make a few calls, and even get Repace!
and I’ll bet you didn’t even pay taxes on the weed in that thing,
when the attorney general gets done with you,
you’ll end up in Sing Sing.
and the FAA says you can’t smoke on your sleigh,
It’s a regularly scheduled flight, even if it’s for only one day.
and the law says you can’t smoke, in your workshop at all,
the Dept. of Health will fine you, when I give em’ a call.
So get out of here with that thing, and don’t ever come back,
or ASH will rip it out of your mouth, and shove it up your crack.
Next year Tobacco-free Kids will deliver our gift,
you’re banished from Christmas, do you get my drift?
and I heard him exclaim, as he rode out of sight,
Merry Christmas to all! ‘cept the dork on my right.
See more comedy at: Comedy Week